I have always had issues with my confidence and always tackled with my weight. This has happened for as long as I can remember even when I was young, it was still the same. I am not going to sit hear and preach that I am over this fad yet, because realistically it’s something that will always go through my head. But these days I have started accepting my body a lot more. I know for a fact I will never be petite so I need to get over this fascination with being skinny. I know the goal I want to be and I know it can happen so I am going to continue watching my weight but I can honestly say that I love my curves, I love being chunky and I do honestly love being the shape I am. This is something I NEVER thought I would say. I don’t want to get bigger, I don’t want to be tiny, I now just want to be healthy, fit and lose weight gradually. I just want to start embracing my curves rather than put myself down so much. Today I looked through a lot of old pictures when in my friends house and I realised I look back on pictures every year and think to myself “why did I even think I was fat back then?” which made me realise this is ALL in my head. It’s almost as if my brain makes me see someone a lot bigger than I actually am, because I always pick up sizes far too big for me thinking it should fit then wonder why it’s always far too big on me. So from now rather than putting myself down I am just going to accept it, get healthy and see what happens!  

See when anyone, whether it is a girl or a guy, uses the word “fat” in a disrespectful and discriminating manner I personally take offense even if it isn’t targeted towards me. The word “fat” in general offends me as it is such a horrible thing to say. It is a word that makes a vast amount of people today paranoid, ashamed and disgusted in themselves every minute of every day. I was targeted as a young girl most days being told “you’re a fat goth.” So I am sorry but no matter what manner you say this word, whether it is to be humorous, offensive, vulgar or light-hearted I don’t care… people need to realise that we all come in different shapes and sizes and that no one is the “perfect weight” because everyone is beautiful. I hear people all the time saying “fat girls are desperate” and that “fat girls are disgusting” and so much more. These people being ‘apparently’ against bullying, against hypocrisy, against judging people and are actually very insecure about themselves. If you are all those things and you target people for their being over-weight, sorry but you are no better than the people who judge you everyday that make you feel worthless. 

I’ve always been disgusted with my body, it’s why I haven’t had a long-term boyfriend because i’m ashamed that much. But recently i’ve realised that everyone is into different types whether they are skinny, curvy and so on. No one is perfect and the more people realise this the better rather than walking around judging people for the sake of making their confidence and self-esteem higher. 

I’ve been watching a programme quite similar to ‘How To Look Good Naked’ and whenever this kind of topic comes up, it always seems to hit me a lot worse than my friends. I’ve realised recently that the biggest and/or main reason I put myself down so much is due to my belly (basically my weight). Surely a girl my age should like what she sees rather than feeling pressurised constantly to be petite. For example, models, the media, celebrities, pictures on tumblr ALL make me feel like I NEED to be petite and thin. I piss myself off and get angry at myself for giving into this peer pressure that being curvy is wrong. I look around and compare myself to thin girls when I shouldn’t this kind of attitude I have annoys me to the highest level, yet I still let myself get down near enough of every day thinking “I can’t wear this because i’ll look bigger.” People like me have to control our mind set and change it into liking and accepting the way we are because there is someone out there that will find us attractive no matter what size. I think I need to a lot more thinking and stop getting down about how I look.